Life goes on? How would you react?

Some news has changed life the way it once was and the way it will be.

Firstly, my sister’s bf left her due to distance. He works in Japan, she studies in Adelaide. Sad thou, he was a nice chap, younger thou but yet great to sit and chill with. But life goes on and I know God has greater plans for my sister. She will be kept in my prayers.

Mum was diagnosed with arthritis. Sad but true. The woman who cared for me and yet she refused to take care of herself, eating junk food, not remembering to consume her medications and simply not exercising. Her tummy got bigger and her bones had gotten brittle. She beats the mule hands down because no matter what we tell her, she would not choose to listen. Choices indeed make you who you are. She has diabetes, hypertension and now arthritis to add to the list. She started to limp a little a few weeks ago and her right knee became quite swollen. I applied RICE therapy on her but she chose TCM over what I did. The swelling eventually subsided but the pain didn’t. She claims that she had fallen on her right knee often and so this was the result of all that constant bumping.

All I can really do is to tell her what to eat and encourage her to exercise. The rest really is up to her because she may control her diet well when im around, but I can’t be there 24hrs a day to ensure she consumes proper food and take her medications.

Unlike her, dad knows how to eat better. Thou he has strayed a little, otter than that, he knows how to control his diet and such, like mum, he has the similar medical history except that he did undergo a triple bypass a few years ago. Somehow, only I knew that he be okay. The rest were quite frantic and all. Perhaps I have come across quite a number of similar cases that I know? Perhaps.

The truth remains that seeing your loved one pass on hurts the human heart and emotions take over. Looking at the families and relatives in my current setting forces me to ponder what would happen to my family if and when such situations arise. How would we react and how would we take it?

I can only pray and ask God to be kind and forgiving.

Hope everyone else is okay.

God bless.

Self updates

This week has been a long long one and yes I know it’s not the weekend yet but hey, nurses schedules are pretty much hay wired and we work so much that we don’t even know it’s the weekend already.

I’m pulling my hair already because I failed to do what I set out to do in the beginning. Study.

All that procrastination bout yadafadabananajinglehoodlumdoodledobut still I only managed to write notes about the first chapter and still have a hard time understanding it. Gosh I’m not smart or am I just purely lazy. Perhaps both. I can only blame myself for not being disciplined enough to get things done, putting them into perspective. I have dunked my head into law and ethics so much so that research has been neglected. There is a test in September and I totally forgot about it. See!!! Damn! I must work it out!

If you have any tips, feel free to let me know. I understand mind mapping would help. But wordy stuff like law and such can we really draw pictures? Experienced people please share your studying methods.

I realiZe that I study better at night. Or that I’m more awake at night. But all I have is my bed. I don’t have a study table or anything else. In the end, I fall asleep halfway into my studies. This has to change! I cannot be that lazy asshole anymore !!

Apart from that, I just got my new toy, a hybrid. Took it for a ride yesterday evening and it felt nice. I guess apart from cycling, I need to study too! No more Internet at home!

Gosh as I’m typing away in the mrt, there is this guy banging his head against the window of the train. Scolding vulgarities and talking to I dunno who. Perhaps he might end up in stomp? I duno, it’s not my business and I shall not butt in.

So please help me! I really need all the help I can get.

God bless.

Catching up with my L4D2 buddies

The last time I met them, I was terribly upset and disappointed. Firstly, my computer had given me problems. 10-15minutes and I have yet to enter the game. Where as my 2 brothers have already gone in. So I had to change computers. Later on, I felt left behind by them. I didn’t enjoy the game.

This time, I met them both on separate occasions. J met me during one of my off days and we went for a ‘killing spree’ 2 times that day. It felt much better because we had to rely on each other, and the AIs were good generally but at the end of the day, you’d prefer a friend who is looking after your back. I’d want that, without a doubt.

Playing with V was quite last minute because he has to study and work at the same time and indeed it is no easy peasy task. Thank God for him, school
Is about to end and he can focus on his work. Playing with V, felt different. We had quite a few down moments but we could talk and get by each and every horde at the end of the day. Other than that one moment at the airport where hordes would come non stop. He survived that, I didn’t.

Both have different styles of playing. J would be more gung Ho and melee his way through. V would wait with you and seek permission before going through. I appreciate both playing styles because I am a bit of both of them myself. I love to chiong and slice my way through. On the other hand, I
Love the team work displayed when we become ‘untouchable’.

Perhaps we played different difficulty levels as well. But at the end of it all, I dare say I enjoyed the spree with both of them very much so.

Now all I need, is one more buddy to make it all 4 of us. Guess I’ll have to wait.

Did God speak to me?

Recently, just about 2 days ago, I was asked to watch this video on YouTube. It was about a young girl who had died for 23 hours. During this time, God brought her to hell and then to heaven. Perhaps I could say that He wanted her to be His messenger? Hmm. What she said really woke me up.

It is a fact that I am born into a Christian family. It is also true that I have accepted Christ into my life and that God sent His son to die for me. But to be honest, I have very much fallen short of His glory. Fallen further indeed I have gone into the wilderness and have lost my way. I have no one to blame but myself because I chose that path. No doubt the human flesh is sinful, but the human mind has fallen into temptation as well, I constantly seek forgiveness because I feel guilty.

It is a constant struggle because the devil knows my weakness and he intentionally disturbs me there. Making me feel guilty and therefore staying away from God.

But this time, I felt it was a wake up call from Him. Indeed time is running out and yes I really look forward to His second coming. I felt a tug to go back to Him and yes I decided to go back to His word, the Bible. I decided to filter out all other things and focus only on His word and anything that praises Him and Him alone.

I felt it was time to get back to reading His word, the Bible. In that instant, I felt a thought go through my mind. Telling myself how boring the Bible was and how hard it was to read and understand, I then knew that the devil was trying to pull me away. I refused. And so I made my way toward the only bookshop that I knew had good resources, Techman.

As I entered the doors, I heard Christian music and saw loads of books! I realized that they have changed their layout a little. They now have a little sale corner. I saw some books which were on sale and even
Bibles on sale as well. Again another thought entered my mind, so many books, which one to get? Why not just forget it. I spent a good 2 hours plus just looking around for a book or something that I felt would speak to me. There were so many topics to choose from, from Christian living to family to self help and such. Books from famous authors from CS Lewis to John piper to Joyce Meyer to Joel osteen and more.

After close to 3 hours, I stopped to ask myself, what would I want to improve in my walk with Him? Then the Bible came to mind. I agreed, it is indeed His word but something I had been pushing away all the time. I found this book named Living by the book, by Howard Hendricks. As I browsed through it’s content, I felt that it was quite easy for me to grasp of which one page stood out, how to choose a Bible for studying His word. That had to be it.

Reading this book so far has indeed opened my eyes to His word, there are many people who have commented that this book would make you think and look deeper into His word. Teaching you how to read the Bible and how to take a step further into better understanding of what He means in each verse in each of the 66 books.

Okay, I must thank you kind reader who has read all the way till now, because my heading story only begins now lol.

Last night when I was on my way home, I managed to get a seat and I had already taken out this book from my bag to read when I was standing up. Suddenly, a lady beside me asked me what I was reading. As I showed her the cover, she smiled and said that it was good to be reading His word. She said that it was like a good feeling to know that I chose to learn more about Him as compared to a person who chose to play his game or iPhone. Later, I wondered if it was God who spoke to me through her. It takes courage to speak to a stranger. Try it, I know how hard it was.

Once in church, I felt a tugging to pray for a guy in front of me. It really felt so strong that I could not let it go. As service was about to end, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could pray for him. For all who know me, would know that this is not my normal practice. I don’t go around tapping shoulders asking or telling people that I felt a need to pray for him or her. But that one was a strong one. I just could not let it pass. I believe he was shocked as well. I’m not a prayer warrior of any sort and my prayers are very simple and straight to the point. But it happened, I prayed and I guess God blessed him.

So did God really speak to me? I would assume so. Perhaps another sign from Him would affirm that He did? Now I see things in a different light. Hoping I can do my utmost to glorify Him and praying that He open doors for me to further grow His kingdom.

Peace and God bless. shalom.

Happy Nurses Day!

Today marks the day people from all over the world celebrate Nurses Day.

I’m glad there is such a day dedicated for us nurses. But to me, we should not be praised only 1 day of the year.

Day in and out my friends and I would be so glad to make you feel more comfortable.

It has been like this since the day i decided to become a nurse. No doubt, we all have bad days, and many a times, i’d wish i could just drop it all and leave the profession altogether.

Ever since i stepped into my current organization, I’ve had role models. These wonderful nurses to me are very much dear angels sent from God. That is my belief and till this day, I am so honored to have worked alongside them. Starting with the Nursing officer who dared to challenge us. Asking us questions that made us think, that made us look, that made us curious. Every time she drops by my ward for clinical attachment, she’d drop a bomb on us. “Student come, let me ask you some questions.” Usually, i’d shudder at that, but when it came to her, she never raised her voice, never got angry never put us down. Instead, she asked, we could not answer, she said it was okay, find out today and let me know tomorrow. I never felt happier to find out what ever she asked because she dared to challenge me. It felt good to know the answer too. In the end, i learnt something new. This style of teaching and learning is not any tom, dick or harry can adopt. This is the challenge style of learning, not hostile yet accepting. She was my first role model.

My second role model is someone who is a dear friend to me. She also inspires me by remembering all the names of the student nurses to the staff working in the hospital. Try to imagine, if a hospital has about 1000 working nurses, she probably know all the names. there is not one single nurse i know that she forgot the name. she is also a great motivator. Encouraging me when i,m down and out. Without her, i really wont know where id be today.

Sadly she thought id leave nursing early. but till this day, im still hanging on.

Oh my, i have side tracked a lot. allow me to head back to the start.

This day, i would like to thank all the wonderful nurses who shared their knowledge with me, teaching and guiding me with patient hearts and kind understanding. There are some who are fierce and some who are soft hearted. But i wanna thank you all. because if not for you, i wont be where i am today.

So be blessed dear nurses from all over the world! On behalf of all those who share the same sentiments, may God bless you so much that it becomes overwhelming. God will shine in you and use you to help others in need.

Be proud and stand tall because in my line, you will never stand alone. You are my family and i will do my best to aid you, help you, push you and fight the storms together.

This is what a dear nurse said to me what she taught of me.

“You are a good person to talk to, you are concerned about patients, and you have very good interpersonal skills, you are a caring nurse and a good colleague.”

God bless her for her kind words. She is not a local but yet i respect her for her kindness, open mindedness and wit. She helps without asking and never uses No as an answer. Indeed a rare gem, a wonderful friend.

Widya is another great friend, of whom i regard as a dear sister. She is no doubt a great person to chat with and also one who knows her stuff. Always lending a listening ear, she never fails to impress me with her wit, knowledge and what’s more she is now in the place where i aim to go in about 2-3 years time. I look forward to learning more from her, thanks so much dear Wids for being there for me despite your hectic schedule and family life. God bless you dearly!

Confusion and distractions.

As human as i can be, i can honestly and being frank (no that’s not my name), I dare admit that i am very easily distracted. It goes back to what I should do and what I’d wanna do. Here’s how it goes.

 

I should be studying since i started school. Topics mainly Research and Law and Ethics.

BUT

I want to learn to DJ, i want to learn the violin, the Er hu, i wanna improve my keyboard playing, i wanna pick up my guitar, i wanna sing…

So i stick my face into youtube, watching videos of how wonderful people are, and how shitty i am here stuck. Doing nothing but watching others reach their dreams while i stone and watch their videos in awe.

Thing is i know, it’s only 2 years. and bham! i’d have a degree in Nursing! It’s something i look very much forward to. But the question is should i stop there? or should i try and obtain my Advance diploma in Critical care as well? See there are 2 ways to obtaining this. One, being via my organization and of course the other is on my own. There is much to decide on and think about.

My dream of going to Australia still hangs on a thread. I admit, I’d definitely want to see what the other side of the world is like. After all, comparing USA, Canada, London and Australia, the nearest to Singapore is Australia. My folks are aging and someone needs to take care of them.

Pushing away all my other wants as mentioned above, i decided to stick to the same ol Ez that i am, not throwing my cash at anything that pops in front of my face but to save it all for a better tomorrow.

All these wants can be obtained later in life.

The saying goes: Would you suffer 20years of your life and enjoy the rest of them, or enjoy the 20 years of your life and suffer the rest?

You decide.

 

PS: i started on Zuzuna’s 4 minute workout, damn it was tiring! can u believe it? 4 minutes only and i’m almost dying. For those who don’t know what i’m blabbering about, check out bodyrock.tv on the web or in youtube.

God bless.

The last day (of the first week)

Ah, not really much of the blink of an eye but you get what I mean when I mention this won’t you? It has been a week already since school started and already there are 2 assignments due in October and November. I’ll assume that this is very much common when it comes to higher education? Correct me if I’m wrong.

I am however curious, are people rushing to get a degree? Other than the fact that you hold a qualification paper, what impact would it hold on an individual?

Indeed, one would carry the experience and knowledge gained from the studies. It is then a choice of that individual, to apply it and make full use of it, or what we always call it ‘return to the lecturer’ what has been learnt. I ponder over such thoughts.

In my line of work, there are a lot of fellow staff who have already obtained a degree from the numerous schools that provide it locally, but I’m curious once again of those that have obtained it, how many really put that into practice? How many people would consider doing a research to challenge current practices or help improve the current practices because at the end of the day, we want what’s best for our clients, and of cause, the best practice available don’t we? Just place yourselves into your client’s shoes and you would say the same thing.

No doubt, my current modules cover only research and law and ethics, how then can I apply what I picked up from these modules to aid my standard of practice or pool of knowledge to bring a better tomorrow for those I care for?

Deep thoughts I have, contribute to the grey/ white hair that grows on the crown of my head. Indeed, there are worries that pop into my head and I know I should not worry because nothing is impossible when it comes to God right?

Hard to apply dear readers. Really. I worry about the safety of my family members and their possible cause of action that might affect their future. I worry about my siblings, all 4 of them. Really hoping that we can gel well even when our folks pass on.

You might not have the same worries like I do, but I’m sure you care about your loved ones, and they are constantly on your minds.

Being human is not easy after all.

Not that I can choose to be something else can I?

If I was to say that I’m an angel, I’m sure you’d laugh and my statement and call me silly.

But then again, what I think of myself is just me right? Gladly accept me for who I am dear readers, and do not be quick to judge.

Ponder ponder…